Define Your Life Balance
A couple of weeks ago, I asked the question Is Work/Life Balance just a scam? In it I wrote about work/life balance and the possibility that we may be looking at balance the wrong way (I have learned that balance, in Australia, is called “harmony” 
). Can the secret of happiness really be as simple as working less on your career?
3 Steps to Finding Your Balance was a simple list of three ideas that I use to keep myself feeling happy. Of course, there are more and that was supposed to be the topic for this post.
When I started writing this a few minutes ago, I was planning to write about additional ways to increase the balance in our lives, but then I went back and read the comments in the posts linked to above. As usual, they were insightful and creative.
Then I went and re-read some of the posts written by other people on other blogs. I noticed something surprising. It seems that we, as a culture (or perhaps just as people), seem to be stuck on the idea that life needs to be balanced against work; that work is in-fact not a part of life. I really believe that we need to get out of this mindset.
Now, I don’t want to start any kind of “my commentators are smarter than your commentators” kind of thing. Really, I don’t think that this has anything to do with intelligence at all.
In my mind, the idea that we have to work to make ourselves feel ‘balanced’ is really important. But that balance does not come from doing less of one thing and doing more of another. Balance in the sense of the nature of a pendulum does not make sense when you are talking about something that is experienced differently by everyone, and then is constantly changing for each individual. It seems to me that we make this a little too simple when we speak openly about balancing our lives.
Balance is not being able to see both sides of an argument. Balance is not achieving the opposite of what you perceive as unbalanced. The idea that everything is in balance overall is false. The idea that when one person loses, another person wins is also false.
And this is good because it would be very hard to feel balanced knowing that in order to be happy, someone else needs to be unhappy.
The quality of our lives is not, after all, completely up to chance.
So, What Is Life Balance?
Life balance isn’t just another thing that we all want. It is something that we need.
Unfortunately, it is also one of those things that no one else can do for you. It is up to the individual to make it happen. In that way, it is no different from starting a relationship or getting a good job. You must decide to create balance in your life if you want to find it.
For me, life balance is a way to describe a point in time structure to my life that allows me to feel good. It is nothing more & nothing less.
That does not mean that I am not working many hours, and it does not mean that I get to sit on the couch and eat ice cream all day (though I do like ice cream). But, it does mean that I am doing what I believe to be what I want to be doing at any given moment. That is as close to work/life balance as I can get, and it has nothing to do with work and everything to do with happiness.
Creating Life Balance
Of course, I have not always been so happy with my life. Years of stumbling, uncertainty, and confusion over who was running my life had to be overcome for me to feel like I (generally) do today.
Creating balance in your life is hard because where your balance is changes, and then two minutes later changes again.
Feeling like everything is happening all at once is usually because you are trying to do everything at once. Funny how that works, but it is true. Why do we wait? Time management is one of the most important things you can do to feel more balanced.
If you work in an office with other people, then one of the first things you need to do is to Identify and Destroy Your Time Thieves. Make this a goal & often revisit how you use your time. In the future I will write something to detail how I determine if my use of time is good or not. My method is fairly simple, but I have a feeling that it would be too long to just put here.
Another really important thing that you need to do is to find a way to Clear the Garbage from Your Head. Much of the time when I feel out of balance, it is because I am thinking about too many things at once (I know that scientists say that this is technically impossible because we can’t technically multi-task, but…jeez – see what I mean?). We need to clear our minds periodically if we expect to be effective at all.
Your Turn
Your life is made up of a series of things that you decide to include in it. What have you decided to keep and what have you decided to remove? Has it worked?
Related posts
- 3 Steps To Finding Your Balance
- Identify and Destroy Your Time Thieves Today
- The #7links Challenge To Write A Sneeze Page
- Is Work/Life Balance just a scam?
- Innovation’s Last Stand
Twitter: jeansarauer
said:
I’ve done lots of restructuring, and yes, it’s worked. What I did was get super clear on my values first (creativity, health, connections, etc.). Basically, anything that didn’t somehow align with that list gradually got removed, and some cool things that did align with that list (like blogging!) got added.
I don’t like to get into fancy-pants discussions about ‘life design’ but I suppose that’s what it all boils down to. I designed my life situations to fit me rather than trying to make myself fit a bunch of life situations. Is it a 100% perfect scenario? No, but it’s a heck of a lot closer than where I’ve ever been before.
Jean Sarauer´s last [type] ..6 Things That Get Easier About Blogging if You Just Keep Going
Hey Jean,
I am with you on not liking “fancy-pants” discussions. In fact, anything involving “fancy-pants” will likely be well outside of my interests.
Its great to hear that you have worked to find a better way for yourself & I love that you stated that you had to determine your values first. How can you fix you if you don’t know you. (Yeah, I wanted to see how many times I could get “you” into a single sentence)
I like to think of it like this – You can’t please everyone all of the time, but if you don’t please yourself, you probably won’t please anyone.
Have a great day!
Twitter: buildrankprofit
said:
OK I’m going to read the whole thing in a minute, but I was ‘wowed’ by your profound statement to start. You say that we need to get out of the mindset that work is not a part of life. Man you hit the nail on the head with that one! Now that it is out there, it’s really obvious, but we are all so consumed with ‘harmonising’ our life that we fail to look at the fact it’s all one in the end.
That’s really awesome Mark – now I am going to go read the rest of the article.
PS: Hahaha, thanks for the semi mention (well, my country did, but we both know what you were talking about)
Alex´s last [type] ..Business Question: To Blog or Not to Blog.
Ha. Well, when you say it like that I think that maybe it could have been a shorter post
And, you are totally right – we spend so much time thinking about how to categorize things like the activities we perform during the day and I feel we sometimes do a poor job of it.
Twitter: buildrankprofit
said:
OK that was really deep man. I like it. I think I can relate to most of it, but what rang especially true was the reference to clearing the garbage. For me this is the comparison game. Granted, it’s not garbage per say, but when I start comparing myself to where I should be or where I could be or where ‘that guy’ is then I end up doing nothing in response. Finding the balance is as you said, not about harmonising work and play, it’s about balancing your own thoughts and reacting appropriately.
Thanks Mark.
Alex´s last [type] ..Business Question: To Blog or Not to Blog.
I know what you mean. I wasted a few years on envy myself. It seems like there is always someone in a better position than you and always someone who is worse off.
Of course, these perspectives are based on illusion, and as Jean so clearly pointed out, what is good for one person may not be for another. We are all individuals, so why do we try to get everyone to live the same way?
I like (but do not completely understand) what you have been doing lately. That is, the changes that you have made in your life to achieve your goals – it takes a lot of thought and real courage to do so.
Good luck and have a great day!
Twitter: darrenlcarter
said:
Hey Mark,
Really profound post. You’re right though, we do seem stuck on the idea “that work is in-fact not a part of life”. I think if people let go of that and incorporate everything together, they can focus on making their entire life better (work included).
As for things I’ve removed from my life. TV. It played too destructive of a role in my life (over-exaggerated slightly). I would waste time on it and make excuses for it. And it certainly didn’t exist in the life I envisioned for myself. So it got cut.
Peace,
Darren L Carter
Darren L Carter´s last [type] ..Experiments in Lifestyle Design: Internet Business from Rural Japan
Hi Darren -
I like the way you said that – TV was not included in the vision you had of your life.
I am constantly amazed at how much better my life has become since I started visualizing things that I want prior to trying to get them. Simple trick that appears to work.
Have a great day!
Twitter: TheJohnSoares
said:
Mark, for me life balance requires being realistic about what I can accomplish. There is only so much time, so doing more of one thing means doing less of another.
Lately I’ve been determining my true priorities, especially what’s important for me to be as happy as practical on a day-by-day and hour-by-hour basis.
John Soares´s last [type] ..Second Twitter Account? Your Help Needed…
Thanks for the visit. Making a determination about what you want your priorities (or as Jean called them, your “values”) to be is essential in my mind.
They are like the base upon which we build our lives in a sense. And, as you say, there is only so much time.
Have a great day John.
Twitter: TheJohnSoares
said:
Today a high priority is going hiking, so I’m taking the afternoon off to climb Castle Dome.
John Soares´s last [type] ..Second Twitter Account? Your Help Needed…
Twitter: gupshupblog
said:
Well Mark , for me Life balance is doing your work as well as having fun with your life by loving your work
As a student , I am planning to take blogging as a career , for which I have to come across many changes and problems initially and later in the future settled with my own family with my parents. Now the real life begins how you manage all your family members , your friends and more importantly your work.
What do you think Mark ??
Sunil Jain´s last [type] ..FIFA 2010 WordPress Theme | Our First WordPress Theme
Ha! I can relate to the need to balance you wants against those of family members. It is an odd thing to struggle with, though it does seem to be fairly common.
Also, you illustrate the idea that some people can work 10 hours a day and feel balanced while other people may work 9 and feel like that is too much.
Have a good day!
Twitter: jblack2012
said:
Mark,
This is such a critical step in a person’s life to get to where they want to be on a happiness scale. There is no way that you can exoect other people to do this for you.
You have to really look at all the noise in your head and then remove the stuff that is not getting you where you want to go. There is no such thing as a seperate work life. If you do what you love, then it’s all just one life and you shoulkd do things that make you happy.
Joshua Black | The Underdog Millionaire´s last [type] ..Midwest Tornado Delivers Critical Small Business Tip
Noise is a great word for it!
Distractions and confusion are two things that can make you less productive, which can cause you to need to continue doing the less fun things longer.
Finding balance, in the context of this post, requires the elimination of that noise.
Great comment Joshua. Thanks!
This post gave me a lot to think about but I have decided to stop searching for balance unless it’s in a yoga pose or on a surf board!
Courtney´s last [type] ..3 Biggest Lifestyle Myths and Solutions to Start Really Living Today.
Ha. Hi Courtney -
It sounds like you have found it.
Thanks for reading & have a nice day!
Twitter: baileying
said:
Hey Mark,
Really deep post here! When I think of the work/life balance I see it everywhere in my work place where people seem to be stuck in a job they don’t like but are just going to work for the sake of needing to earn money.
I guess they are living to work, not working to live. Like you said, the only way you can get the harmony is by seeking for yourself. After all, we can change our thoughts and attitudes and not let our emotions and thoughts control us as lots of people do.
Where we get into a flow state of having a seamless balance of “work” and “life” is amazing and I know I’m heading that way now
Bailey
Bailey Ing´s last [type] ..Why did the Internet Marketer Cross the Road? Wanna Find Out?
Hi Bailey,
I can relate to what you are saying about a workplace where people seem to be stuck in their job – I have been in exactly that state of mind. It seems to me that the people who came up with the work/life balance concept were well intentioned. But it also seems that it is used by many companies in a rather unimpressive effort to keep their employees productive. And, there is some good to that – for one thing, it keeps more people employed (in theory anyway).
But, I don’t know that work/life balance is sufficient for productivity, and I definitely think that it is the wrong structure for many people.
It ignores one very simple thing – work is part of life, not something to be balanced against it.
And that is not all. There are many elements to each of our lives, all of which cry out for our attention. Which will you choose? Your choices will determine how balanced, how good you feel. That, I guess, is the point of all of this. Feeling better.
Have a good day Bailey!
Twitter: bbrian017
said:
I loved this article and was excited all night to come by and post a comment but it was so late last night and I’m afraid my comment would had been short so I decided to wait.
As a society we have created this environment in which we work and work and when done we work some more. It’s very sad to see people live these amazing lives by working all the time. We work and then we die. Please can someone tell me the point?
As humans I’m sure we are meant to be something greater then slaves for individuals to become rich. I would love some balance of work and fun but it’s impossible. I work 5 days a week and on the weekends I prepare for another work week. Where is my balance I’m so frustrated.
Soon I will find myself at the age o 50 or 60 ready to retire and possible soon after die of old age. I wish we could turn around this system of the full time 40 hour work week but it appears money has overcome the freedom of living and being an individual.
So sad but so true.
I’ve decided I’m saving my money like there’s no tomorrow. I started saving over 45 percent of my income so I can retire at an extremely young age. I will not come victim to this slave working class world in which we have become.
bbrian017´s last [type] ..How to redirect your affiliate links with an index.php file
Hi Brian,
That is certainly an option. I actually know three people who retired before the age of 40! They worked really hard, and now don’t work at all. That is the good part about all of this – you can make a decision to do whatever it is that you want.
The problem for most people is that they can’t do this and feel comfortable. Comfort is a huge thing & the reason that pillows are so popular.
My point of view is this –
Don’t let life get you down – make it what you want it to be.
Thanks for the visit and have a great day!
Twitter: theinfopreneur
said:
hey Mark,
This is an interesting question as I begin my journey with James site…many of these questions have crossed my mind as to where do I want to go, how do I want to make the site, how do I want my life to look.
It’s starts with that vision right up front….but for those who are living their life, it oftentimes is one in the same. we make a living from our loving. that is the ultimate!
B
TheInfoPreneur´s last [type] ..Improving Videos: Get James on the Banana
It starts with a vision – yeah, that sounds about right. I once read an article (can’t remember where) I which the author said that you should visualize what you want and it will give you clues about how you can achieve it. The old “be the ball” methodology.
I would take that one step further. If you think about all of the aspects of your life, perhaps it would be good to visualize what you want each of them to be like. Then, only include what is in your vision and leave everything else out. Might work.
Have a great day Brandon!
Twitter: vuelacara
said:
Awesome post! Thank you for speaking the truth about what balance really is: a point in time structure to your life. Thinking about too many things at once, MASSIVE Thief of Time and- hello!- guilty as charged.
Thanks for the insight.
E
Ha! Glad to meet you Elana! I appreciate you admitting it
I have had the same experience – it seems like the more I have to do, the less I get done.
I have been taking a back-to-basics approach in my life and it is working really well.
Thanks for reading!
Twitter: ralphcarlson
said:
I think maybe part of the problem is that for most people, work is meaningless.It i just something they do to have the money to live. I think that we all have that situation for some time but ideally we work ourselves out of working because we have to and working because it makes out lives better and fulfills us. It’s even better when it pays the bills too.
Ralph´s last [type] ..Wake up and smell the – Verbena Bonariensis
Hey Ralph,
I really think that you are right. Many, if not most people do seem to work so they can get money to live. That is it. They have no passion for their work and believe they have no reason to try to find any.
It is up to us to find a way to make our lives better. That is not to say that it is always possible for people if they work a job they really hate (been there for sure). But we should try, I think.
I appreciate your stopping by Ralph. Have a great day!
Twitter: simplehomeorg
said:
I think it is making sure you are taking time for you. I’m a workaholic and am guilty of going days without taking a break to breath, mistakenly thinking I am going to get caught up. Once I convinced myself that that is never going to happen and that it is OK to take a break, life got much better. I, too, cut out all TV shows except 1 or 2 when I decided I wanted to live life, not watch others live theirs.
Also doing work that you love is priceless. If you are able to do something that you are passionate about, then getting paid for it is just a nice bonus. I would gladly be paid less for doing something I love over getting paid more for doing something I hate.
Melinda´s last [type] ..Get rid of flabby clutter
Hello Melinda,
Ha – the old “just get caught up” thing. Yep. I used to say that to myself every day!
I have to say that cutting out TV really helped me too. Watching other people live can feel good for a little bit of time, but then it becomes depressing. Especially since the people on TV usually live interesting lives filled with interesting, attractive people who have tons of stuff (cars, money, etc.). Not exactly realistic (even reality TV).
I like that you said “I would gladly be paid less for doing something I love over getting paid more for doing something I hate.”
I would have completely disagreed a few years ago. Now, I can’t think of a better way to word the way that I feel.
Have a great day!
Twitter: socialsammy
said:
Hi Mark
I really like the statement you made about work:
“It seems that we, as a culture (or perhaps just as people), seem to be stuck on the idea that life needs to be balanced against work; that work is in-fact not a part of life. I really believe that we need to get out of this mindset.”
Truer words were never spoken!
But just to throw this out there….I’d say that for a lot of people (myself included) learning to love the job you’re in just as much as going to the beach in the weekend is somewhat unrealistic, especially when we’re at the bottom of the food chain…so what do we do?
Do we find a new job that’s more aligned to our passions, or do we try and focus on the things we enjoy in our job and avoid spending mental energy on the things that we don’t?
I do admire your proactive approach – but I wonder how proactive can someone be if they’re either desperate for work or at the bottom of the food chain being given everyone elses scraps?
I guess this is something that’s been lingering in the back of my mind for a while…Is Work-Life Balance only achievable for middle class/middle management and above? Or is it a way of thinking about life?
Would love to hear your take on this…
Sam´s last [type] ..Growing Our Business & Running It Too
Hey Sam,
Great question! I definitely think that this is more of a way of thinking about life. I can tell you that in my experience, there are plenty of “middle class/middle management and above” people who are very unhappy in their jobs. That being said, it is reasonable to think that perhaps the people who are forced into taking crappy jobs, for whatever reason, probably have a bit less of a reason to enjoy their work.
When I got out of high school I had a few jobs that were really terrible. I will likely write about a few of them in the future, so I won’t go into too much detail here. But, just to give you an idea – I have cut steel, cleaned used hospital beds, and buffed the floors of a Kmart. Not exactly the kinds of jobs that make you want to get up in the morning.
The key for me was to find something that I wanted in my life and to work towards it. It worked – I worked up some money, made some relationships, went to college at night and weekends (both undergrad and grad) and worked a couple of tough (long hours, much responsibility) jobs.
Now, my current job (managing a small team of consultants) is not easy, but it does not require a ton of my time and generally I enjoy what I do. It will never compare to going to the beach, but it is way better than loading trucks (which I did as well).
Give yourself some time Sam. You are obviously a smart guy. If you think that you could do more that what is required of you in your job, then you probably can. Find something that you want and then find a way to get it.
Have a great day!
Twitter: ChuckBartok
said:
Wonderful conversations on an interesting subject.
50 years ago, after reading a Book, I realized how easy it is to “never go to WORK” rather create FREEDOM by doing what I enjoy Doing.
The creative force endowed to ALL of us, by our Creator, can assure a life of pursuing that which we DEFINE (not Society)
A balanced life is very attainable if you are DOING what YOU want to do.
Doing it well, following your Plan of actions, will always assure sustainability
I posted a similar Blog conversation Back in January
Twitter: selfevolblog
said:
Hey Mark, I have only read this post in particular but I am very impressed with your blog already. I think one of the things that hit home for me was when you mentioned that clearing clutter out your mind will help you achieve balance. I have a tendency to over think things and get stressed out because of it. But when your mind is clear you can enjoy life a lot more. Great Job!