How Change Can Happen to You
As I write this I am sitting on the bus riding closer and closer to home. My computer is in a bag on my lap and my suit jacket is smashed on top, under the weight of my barely movable arms. My tie has been loosened so that I can breathe a little easier but I am still just as aware of it as I was during the meeting that caused me to leave work a little early today.
About 30 minutes from now I will walk through the front door of my ordinary house in my ordinary neighborhood. My wife, who is anything but ordinary, will likely be watching TV or playing with our pet parakeet. She will ask me how my day was and I will tell her the same thing that I do every other day.
I do not know how I ended up with this life. I really do not know how I got here.
There is a blond woman, about 50 years old, right in front of me now reading a book about a muscular, long-haired man, a horse, and a scantily clad, blue-eyed woman. The drawn woman’s gaze appears to be filled with longing and pensiveness, or perhaps just the need to get away. Truth be told I can’t tell if she is looking at the man or the horse.
All that I can see of the book is its cover. I suppose that all that I can see of anyone & anything is the cover, so I will not judge any of it. Well, I will try to not judge.
Another woman on this bus must have purchased coffee right before boarding. She has been holding it for 10 minutes now and has yet to take a sip. Then again, perhaps the coffee is for her husband or perhaps the cup is filled with something horrible. I will never know, and perhaps that is for the best.
Normally at this point of the day I would be searching Twitter for useful information or for messages from people who I respect. But today is different. Today is remarkable.
The really strange thing about today being remarkable is that I do not know why. That meeting that ended 26 minutes ago really was not very interesting except that someone asked a question that made me want to leave. The question was not upsetting in any way and it did not make me want to take drastic action, but it did make me want to go home. So here I am on my way there.
The woman with the coffee just got off the bus. The way she was limping makes me think that it may take her a while to get to her house. Perhaps that is why she needed to buy the coffee.
Maybe I should just answer the question now. Just answer it and get it over with. But maybe I should never answer the question. Maybe the question is not important after all.
For the past week I have been thinking about moving in a different direction in life, and maybe that is a good idea, and maybe it is not. But today is a remarkable day because I get to make that choice once again. Just like every other day.
The question that was asked is “Why did you choose to do what you are doing?” and my answer is that there was no single choice, no moment where I felt that my eyes had been opened to something new. I took chances and where I succeeded I continued, and where I failed I found a solution.
I don’t expect tomorrow to be all that different from today, but I do expect that in some small way tomorrow will provide a new path which I can choose to take or to ignore.
I suppose every day is remarkable.
I know that many of you are working on your own business and your own independence. Do you believe that you are going to get what you want? Do you believe that you are making the right choices to do so?
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Twitter: Brandon_Connell
said:
I hate cold coffee! I would rather burn my innerds than let a coffee sit for more than 10 seconds before I take a sip.
As for your post, I find every day I wake up next to my wife to be remarkable. But to each his own.
Brandon Connell´s last [type] ..Killer SEO- Not having it will destroy your blog-
Hey Brandon,
I think we can all relate to your dislike of cooled coffee.
I think every day is remarkable. They may seem the same much of the time but each new day really does provide a new opportunity (wow, that is corny).
Have a good day!
My day is pretty much the same except my dog is playing with the parakeet.
Maybe this is a stupid question, but you asked “Why did you choose to do what you are doing.”
Is it possible that what we’re doing chose us??
(When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.” ~Erma Bombeck)
Scott Barron´s last [type] ..Sally’s Top Ten Secret Sauce Blogs
Hi Scott,
It is really nice to see you out and about.
The idea of a dog playing with a parakeet seems horrifying to me for some reason…
That is a good question Scott. I do think that we end up doing what we do because of decisions that we make. But to your point, our awareness of the opportunities that we have often depends on more than just how hard we look (not that I think we should try less, of course).
I hope you are doing well Scott. Have a great day!
Twitter: markbell10
said:
Hey Mark,
I love these posts which really make you think about life. In answer to the question, “Why did you choose to do what you are doing?”
My career started out with a passion for formula one, and wanting to work there. I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t gone for it. I guess I have had other things seem more interesting and I’ve persued them.
As for change, I would love nothing more than taking on a new adventure, and firmly believe that I am capable of anything if I put my mind to it – I believe anyone can do the same. But I guess change is put to the side because of responsibilities – be it family, money etc…
I know my fiancee will be with me when we take on what ever life throws at us, and the prospect of taking it on together is quite exciting!
Cheers,
Mark
Mark Bell´s last [type] ..How I learned to code for the web
Yeah, I think that many people lose track of dreams due to life’s seeming perpetual motion. Every so often I think that it is beneficial to stop and look around.
My brother and his wife have four children, all under the ago of 5. I have a feeling that there are ideas and desires that they forget about. That is just how life goes sometimes.
Thanks for sharing that part of your life here. Have a really great day!
Twitter: raamdev
said:
Awesome storytelling! Half-way through reading this, I got up from the spot where I’ve been sitting for hours every day, picked up my laptop, and walked outside to finish reading this post (thank you for that).
Changing our environment, stimulating our senses, our body, and our lives in new ways is absolutely essential to growth (of any type).
Your story of the women reading the book made me realize why books (and novels in particular) are so damn popular: People want to escape. They are so tired of their dull, monotonous lives that they crave any kind of escape… any kind of change. Novels provide that in a huge way.
The problem with novels, I have always felt, is that while they provide escape, how much do they actually add value to our lives (and to the world in general)?
I quit my secure job in the States, sold all my possessions, and left for India almost four months ago. I have felt more alive in the past four months than I can ever remember feeling. I’ve fulfilled a childhood dream and experienced more inner growth than I knew was even possible.
Traveling through third world countries, my eyes have been opened to the extreme imbalance of wealth and abundance in this world and I have discovered a new life purpose — a new calling.
Whatever it takes, however difficult, however many challenges you may face, follow your heart, follow your instinct. If you feel that life is dull, meaningless, or that your daily actions are not creating inner progress and growth, or that you’re not doing everything in your power to help improve your world, then change that right now. Today.
It all starts with that decision inside us that there is more to life than this and that we’d rather die than continue living a life unfulfilled. Every day has just as much potential as the previous (which is why every day is remarkable).
Hi Raam,
Your point about novels is spot on. When you are done reading, like when you wake up, you find yourself back in the same place you were before. Don’t get me wrong. I believe that stories can change our lives, but I think that there are times when stories, sleep, drugs etc. are used as a means of escape, and that does not seem healthy to me.
You and I certainly seem to agree on periodic change being a needed element for a happy life. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind periodically. That just shows that you are capable of thinking, which seems to be rather underrated in certain circles.
I really appreciate you telling (part of) your amazing story here. Have a great day!
Mark,
This is one of the best posts I have recently read. Why? Because I could literally feel myself sitting there beside you on the bus. As a matter of fact, your comment about the lady looking at the man or the horse, probably would have made me spit my coffee all over the floor of the bus.
Please expand on the question. Obviously…this impacted you tremendously. It has you searching for something deep inside your soul. What was the context of the question? I’m curious.
I love how you are taking responsibility with the decisions YOU, me, and every other single person makes in our lives. SOOOO many people simply choose the victim route.
- They have to do this because …….
- Their husband left them so now they don’t have ……
- My job reduced my overtime so now I can’t afford my house payment and….
We all have struggles. We all make decisions that affect our lives.
It is great that you are looking inside and pondering these things, because it is in those moments, that clarity develops and we can really see ….what is it that we want out of life?
Take care friend,
Brandon
TheInfoPreneur´s last [type] ..Growing Your Email List – Real Results – 500 Increase-
Hi Brandon,
I don’t know that I would say that this specific event impacted me tremendously. I think that it was the effect of many different things which were triggered by the question. Of course, I am just guessing.
Without going into too much unneeded detail, the question was asked in the context of software development. That is, how would a user likely choose to use a specific screen element. I, as usual, immediately applied it to every aspect of my life.
That is why I started thinking about what I had been thinking about earlier in the week. I don’t know that anything like a job or relationship change would required, but I have been thinking that perhaps I need to get back to being creative. Get back to my interests.
Too many of us spend so much time doing things that we don’t really want to be doing. Sometimes that is the cost of survival, but I wonder if there are times that we only assume that to be the case.
Responsibility for our own actions is required to ever achieve any kind of balance in life. You can’t be successful in anything unless you have put effort into it. No one can just be handed success.
Really, I would only be concerned if I was not thinking this way every once in a while.
Thanks for stopping by Brandon. I really appreciate it!
hey Mark,
ok, I see where you’re coming from. I’m a dreamer who has crazy thoughts running through my head daily.
I oftentimes wonder what holds me back. I think I have too much of a “technician” problem sometimes (referring to the Emyth). I like to think nobody else can do my technical stuff as well as me. Which…that’s obviously false. But then I get caught on the Hamster Wheel and don’t MAKE the time to hop off.
Hopefully in about 4 weeks, I’ll have some cool stuff to share.
Keeping my fingers crossed.
Brandon
TheInfoPreneur´s last [type] ..Growing Your Email List – Real Results – 500 Increase-
Hi Mark,
I agree that everyday is remarkable. We make many small choices throughout the day that can add (or detract) to our personal evolution. Real change comes gradually then suddenly. All the small things we do everyday can have us look back and think “Wow, I really have come along way.”
A great habit I have is to look at anything and ask myself, “what does that have to do with me?” Those people on the bus have everything to do with me when we look at life from a higher consciousness.
rob white´s last [type] ..What’s it Take to Master Life
Hi Robb,
Its funny that you said “Real change comes gradually then suddenly.” That was one of the the underlying thoughts I had when I wrote Monday’s post ().
And, wow, yeah, I agree that all of those people have an impact on me, and that I have an impact on them as well. The impact we have on each other can be big or small in many different ways, but there is no denying that we (society) depends upon all individuals to take part and to contribute. I guess it does not always work out that way, of course.
Have a great day Rob.
Twitter: jeansarauer
said:
Fabulous post, Mark. We have so much power each and every moment to shape our own lives and touch the lives of others in a meaningful way. It’s easy, really. We tend to think we have to make some big dramatic gesture or change, but it’s in the small, moment-by-moment choices that paint the big picture.
Jean Sarauer´s last [type] ..How to be Your Own Blog Post Fairy
Yeah, small decisions and habits are two things that get down-played when we talk about improving our lives. I guess it is easier to see large effects in the short term than it is to see them in the long term. It is certainly easier to paint larger things.
I guess you just gave me something to ponder on the way home tonight.
Have a great day Jean!
Twitter: kruby
said:
Hi Mark,
A very powerful and thought-provoking article. I can really relate to this story because I know exactly how you feel.
I think that when you are in the precontemplation or the contemplation stage of change there are a lot more questions than answers. It sounds like you have a lot of questions regarding your life and may be ready to explore ways to bring more creativity into your life. You don’t have to necessarily subtract anything from your current life – but explore various ways and things that can enhance your existing life.
I really enjoyed this post, although I was expecting something along the lines of…”And so, I quit my job today…”
Thanks for sharing this,
Karen
Karen´s last [type] ..An Important Exercise To Help You Create The Life You Want
Haha. Yeah, I don’t think that I will be quitting my job anytime soon.
And you are right – I am contemplating a few changes. My biggest concern right now is that I don’t want to take on too much and then have to remove something.
I tend to be a slow decision maker in my personal life (work is different), so I will likely think a bit more before moving ahead.
It is funny though, I think that I tend to think of more questions than answer all of the time. Perhaps I am stuck in contemplation mode…
Have a great day Karen!
Mark,
You are great story teller and I was able to visualize the people in bus along with you as if I was there. If we really look at it, every little mundane and ordinary things are really remarkable in its own way, all we need is different perspective. Thank you for providing one to look in it in my life.
Now, sitting here with my 2 kids seems more remarkable than ever.!
Preeti @ Heart and Mind´s last [type] ..No Spend Month Challenge- Update 1
Ha – I am glad that you could make sense of my thoughts. I pretty much just wrote it (in my Blackberry) and then added a picture when I got home.
It was a pretty fun bus ride actually. I left out some of the things that were less related to my point (yeah, I had one).
There was a guy who kept asking people if it was hot & I was kind of worried that he might be having some kind of health problem, or perhaps that he is completely insane.
There was also a group of college students who were trying to see how many pretzels they could fit into their mouths. I considered stopping writing to give it a shot, but then decided against it. There is nothing worse than a guy in a suit trying to fit in with college students (no offense to college students or to Will Farrell intended, of course).
Perspective is everything, and I would imagine that sitting with your kids is quite amazing.
Thanks for the comment Preeti and have a great day!
Twitter: intelliGines
said:
I really like how this post was laid out Mark. I was right beside you. Did you notice I was there? Ha!
I moved farther away from home so, like you, I will be writing throughout the ‘journey’ except on a train. I’m not keen on taking the lappie with me so the old fashioned way will do for now. I know it’s counter-productive but that’s the change I’m currently adjusting to.
Also, in my current situation (and what Scott had mentioned), what I’m doing chose me. Fortunately or unfortunately. That’s going to change soon. Can’t give any detail here or anywhere though (It’s about work. Shhh!).
Have a good one.
Gines´s last [type] ..Why You Should and Should Not Follow-Up on Comments via Email
Hey Gines,
I guess whatever works for you at the moment is the right way to do it.
I can relate to what you are saying. It is great that you are looking to take back that decision so that you can make it for yourself.
Have a great day
Twitter: websitebegin
said:
This post is far to deep for me. Now I got to go outside and throw a football or something to regain my manlyness that I lost reading this post… That’s what cold coffee does to a guy…
Haha, more to the point, I think everything is just meant to be. I’d leave a more lengthy comment, but I’m not sure what the post was about, besides birds, books, and cold coffee.
Haha. Joe you are funny! Thanks for stopping by
Twitter: sallyneill
said:
hey Mark,
Great story, I totally imagined being their, it felt like it was me ha ha.
I 100% believe I am going to achieve all I desire with my online business, failing is not an option, I cannot live a life if all it contains is what I have now.
I would die of boredom!
I would have tried the pretzel stuffing for sure lol.
Sally
Sally´s last [type] ..Alex Jeffreys Student Blog Competition Result
I believe that you will succeed too Sally. There is no question about it.
Congratulations on winning the traffic competition!
Have a great vacation.
Twitter: sallyneill
said:
Thanks Mark, god loves a trier, and god knows I try ha ha
Sally
Sally´s last [type] ..Alex Jeffreys Student Blog Competition Result
Twitter: writeandchange
said:
Hi Mark – I guess the short answer to the two questions in the last paragraph are yes and usually. I always believe I will get what I want and I usually believe I’m making the right choices to get there. Thankfully I’ve learned that if I make the wrong choices it won’t stop me getting what I want. It will just mean I take a longer and more circuitous (and maybe more interesting) route to get there
Karen´s last [type] ..Empowerment for Writers
Hi Karen,
It is funny that you mention taking the long way to get there sometimes being more interesting. That has been my experience that past few days.
Thanks for the visit & have a great day!